“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God.”

And as far as greatness, I think we all agree, He’s the Great One! And when His comfort overflows from us to others, it’s His Greatness that becomes evident. He is so good to allow us to be used in that way.

If you’d like to send me a personal email, just go to the Contact Form on this site and I’ll receive it personally. I look forward to hearing from you — how awesome that we can communicate being so far away! Blessings! -R

The answer to your question depends on how young the children are, if your husband decides he wants a relationship with them and if the agreement between you two can be renegotiated. Also, there may come a time when the children want a relationship with thier father as well, (or at least ask questions) so when that time comes, you’ll have to think carefully about how you address that with them. I always suggest being as truthful and loving as possible, as is age-appropriate.

In general, I think kids should have a relationship with thier fathers, even if it’s a limited or controlled one, barring any extenuating circumstances that would prohibit it, (i.e. anger issues, exposure to inappropriate behavior or material, drugs, etc.) But only you know the specifics of your own circumstances, so you have to go with what you’re comfortable with. When the time comes, my suggestion is to consult a good family law attorney because they would know the current law and how to structure the visitation so that you feel your kids are in a good environment.

Yolanda, we do discuss how to handle issues related to children during the WifeBoat Support Group sessions, and I love to have you take part. Our next group will be starting in July and will run for 12 weeks. Please stay in touch with the website for upcoming details.

I know we’ll all keep you in prayer as you go forward raising your kids. Please keep in touch. -R

I certainly do not know your fiance’s heart and where he is in his recovery, but in hindsight I wish that I knew to take PLENTY of time to sort this out for both of us before getting married. At the time I thought our love was strong enough to fix it (and him) and that it would just go away because we both wanted it to, and we were young and excited to get married. The stress of life as children are born and money is tight and schedules are busy does not always bring a couple closer together and, in our case, it opened the door for catastrophe.

I believe that men can have success in conquering this issue and God heals–but take the time to make sure things are resolved. I highly recommended a Christian counselor with experience in SSA and many sessions with this counselor, as a couple and individually, so that you both deal with all of your feelings honestly and set accountability measures in place. Avoidance and ignorance of this issue only make it thrive. Like Becky, I do not wish to scare you but would love for you to avoid the pain that we have endured.

It sounds a little brisk, but don’t go into a marriage for life without being sure you have all the support in place. He wants do what hes supposed to, serve God, be married, have a family, and live right. My husband said when we got married. He thought I was wonderful and that I was enough to make him want to change. If you’re in love, and marriage is right, it will still be right after a year of counseling. I don’t want to scare you, but I do want to be honest.

But unlike you I am slow to truthfully admit I am disgusted by the SSA. I have been lied to for so long, and can only question what our walk down the isle meant to him. To me it meant acceptance, security, a place to belong, a future of partnership and love. If he were to come to me and ask to come home, I’m not completely sure I could do it. I am more ashamed (as a “good” Christian woman) of the truth of that than anything. I look at pictures of him and just feel nothing. I am not faced with a husband who wants to stay, or work on a marriage that is broken in half. So to some degree I hide behind this prideful and good sounding idea of reconciliation saying I want to work it out, save my marriage. I have said many times to some close friends, I meant what I said, for better or worse. Like I said earlier, I can only say that with ease because he’s not here pitifully staring me in the face asking to remain married.

I actually admire your honesty. If I were to be completely honest, I would say I am angry as I have ever been, and becoming bitter with every lie he tells and every court hearing I have to attend, and every week he doesn’t pay support. I want to write him off as a lying ****, if I were to be completely honest.

Then I remember mercy. Grace. Then I begin to feel guilty, because of all the years I have spent in the pew. Then I remember that Jesus is supposed to be nearby. That it’s been drilled into my brain I am not alone. I begin to think about my own failings, my own secret sins that few people know about. Are they in the past? The the things I did before and even after I was saved. Don’t I want to accept they are as far as the east is from the west? Then I begin to soften. I know that my husband, if he seeks it is awarded the same forgiveness. But see I DON’T have a husband who wants to fix it, or who is even repentant, so many days I just dream about him being who he used to be. Who I thought he was.

I honestly don’t know how I would handle him wanting to stay together. I don’t know if I could do it either. So I talk to God. Not the God who’s been painted by 25 years of good teaching and awesome worship music. But the God who who sees me lay on the bathroom floor and cry. The God who watches me push my plate away and scrape all my dinner down the disposal. The God who listens when I call my husband unkind names under my breath. The God who meets me right where I am.

Val, you’re going to be okay. You may not be great for a long time. But I promise you’re going to be okay. Each of us have, if nothing else, an opportunity to pursue a very real Jesus in all of this. I can honestly say when my marriage was great, and we had lots of money, a big house, and a happy family before it all caved in, my faith was different, weaker. I half-heartedly believed in a happy-go-lucky God who handed out lollipops and grape soda. I felt pity for the poor people who were so foolish to not know such a good God. I was self serving, and spoiled in my faith. Now when I get up on the day my electric is going to be disconnected and ask God, okay if you see me then now’s the time to help me. I go to the bank and someone has deposited money into my account, even though no one knew my situation. I find a very real, close personal Father who sees me, one who cares if we are warm. I’m not saying God made all this happen in my marriage so I would know him better. But thankfully He isn’t disgusted by me, by my sin, by my brokeness, by my selfishness, by my disabled heart. I am willing to at least think about trying to be like Him towards my husband. I ask Him for the grace to be more like Him. I don’t know what will happen in my marriage. If my husband wants to reconcile, I hope that God is as near to me that moment as He is when I am lying on the floor sobbing. Val, I am glad you’re here.