Comments on: Your husband’s admitted he’s homosexual. What now?

By: John

John — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:50:42 +0000

This may seem a little strange me being a man, but there are no websites like this for men. About a year ago my wife of 18 years explained to me that she had fallen in love with another woman. She is a Christian woman and never seemed to have any homosexual desires in the past. She struggled with this for a year off and on and I tried to help her and understand her. Just as things started going well for her and us, she went back and has now left home and is living with the gay woman that she was having an afair with. Now she says that she wants a divorce but she is very troubled and confused. Right now I and my family and her family are in limbo. She was sexualy abused as a child. Is she really gay? Is there any hope for her or should I just prepare to go on with my life ?

By: Danielle

Danielle — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 03:05:02 +0000

I came to this website after doing a web search for online support and chat for women that are married to homosexual men. Reading through some of these posts’ has made me realize that unfortunately I am not alone…. It saddens me to know that there are so many women in world suffering just as I am.

Here’s my story, I’ll try to be brief. I met my husband in 2003. I was in a weird place in my life and I was young. We we began to talk, he was totally not my type. But our connection that we made was undeniable. I felt he understood me more than any other guy had ever had. We had a long distance relationship. For our first date I flew to LA to visit. At that time we both worked for an Airline and some of our coworkers voiced their opinions of him when I told them he was the one who had caught my attention. This one coworker in particular who is gay himself; straight up told me… “Hunny he’s gay….” Of course this “rocked’ me but I continued on as normal. I truly felt that if he were indeed gay he would’ve told me because that was the type of relationship we had. I met up with for our date and he took me back to his place. As we proceeded to have relations with each other; he couldn’t perform. I felt this knot develop in the back of my throat and I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. He chalked it up to being nervous. That morning I woke up in a rush to go back home. I confronted him and asked him if he was gay. The look he gave me said it all. He explained that he had some same sex experiences but he doesn’t consider his self gay. I asked what was the difference, “are you bisexual?” He claimed that he didn’t go by labels. On the way to the airport he explained that he understood my mood and attitude and he would understand if I never wanted to see him again. Now to present day… 8 years and 4 kids later. We have been through hell and high water. I have experienced so much while being married to this man. All because of my faith and beliefs and not wanting to give up on my husband. I have caught him online, on his phone, he’s given me an std- and I’ll still stayed. Now I know without a shadow of a doubt most of you will say, “what was i thinking?” and “why haven’t I left yet?” The answer is don’t think that I haven’t tried to leave and my thoughts have been somewhat like Lisa’s. I view homosexuality as a sin, and we are all full of sin….. that’s why I’ve chosen to forgive so many times…. But at this pivotal moment today I feel that I have lost myself. I have lost my independence and my confidence. My sense of a loved women.. I find myself longing for some attention of the opposite sex and I also find myself crying out to the Lord in despair. My husband is confused. He has been confused. I’ve finally chosen to break loose- well we both have. As everything makes sense to leave. I am so hurt, angry and bitter. I find myself lashing out towards him and my tolerance level is at an all time low with everyone. I want to move on now reluctantly because I want regain all the things I loved about me back. But this is my most difficult challenge yet… Help me!

By: Tonya

Tonya — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 18:26:32 +0000

Lisa,
I’ve been there x17 years (Wow…still hard to believe!) and I am here to tell you sister “IT IS TIME TO LEAVE HIM”!!! Whether you go or he goes, the “marriage” has actually been over for a long time (if it really “was” at all). You will grieve the loss of him and what you thought he was, then you will grieve the dream of an intact family……God wants you to lean on Him for this. God has been trying to get your attention. You have been chissled away at on the most intimate level by that man but you are LOVED by God and it is time to reconnect with Him. Forgiveness is real and possible……it comes when you realize your “husband” did harm because he was disconnected from the Divine but YOU picked him. Focus on finding out what is it about “me’ that keeps “me” from fully living in God’s peace (ie. picking wrong men, staying with them, having more babies with them, etc.) is the start. Staying on that path to discover what is “healthy” for you according to God’s Word allows the confusion, anger, and fear to dissipate and the forgiveness is a natural consequence of you being fully connected to the Divine. Hold God’s Hand!! I am 3-years post-closet-husband…..he has his own demons to battle….. I pray for him, I do not defame him to others or to our children, and we have a good co-parenting relationship. I am now fully resting in God’s arms, saved by Jesus, filled with the Holy Spirit and truly appreciating the beautiful woman’s heart God gave me (and it is appreciated by others!!!;)
Humbled to the Point of Awareness…….His Will, Tonya

p.s. While I am Oh-Too-Familiar with the depths of Grieving I am suggesting you begin, I am also aware that being alone where you are now is WORSE. I am living proof that Jesus is the Light. And, I would like to encourage you by telling you about the wonderful man that God has brought in to my life now… However, I am still a little leary of my own judgement in the man-picking-arena SO I am keeping my dirty-little-fingers off of it and letting God’s Will Reign! Pray Hard Girl!!!

By: Renee

Renee — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 14:57:24 +0000

Ginger,
I think the most important thing for you at this point is to make sure you get support. It sounds like you have friends that you can confide in and tell your story to, and that’s good. I know many women who don’t have (or feel like) they have anyone they can tell. So please continue getting support, find ways to bring joy into your life and start the process of rebuilding yourself. If your husband really wants help, he’ll get it. It’s out there for him.

The problem with the issue of same sex attraction in particular and sexual addiction as well, is there is such a legacy of shame and secret keeping. Getting out of that mode is not for cowards and takes a long term committment. So let your recovery be yours, and let his be his. Take care of your kids, grieve, serve others, and I believe the Lord will bring you to a place of healing.

We will begin a new WifeBoat Online Support Groups at the end of August, so please stay tuned for more information. Blessings. -R

By: Renee

Renee — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 02:39:35 +0000

KC:
I’m so sorry to hear about this, and I know it’s devestating news. You very well may be just numb from it right now. So no wonder you’re in a state of indecision.

I’d suggest that you begin by getting support from your pastor or a Christian counselor to help you sort this outl, as much of your decision depends on what your husband wants to do. I’d also recommend you get some good information on the subject of homosexuality from a Christian viewpoint. You can go to joedallas.com for a list of books that may be helpful to you and check out the blog as well. We will also be starting a 12 week online support group in August, and I offer Individual Support as well.

At any rate, please get some good Christian counsel and support for yourself. That will help you make the decisions that are facing you now. Please let me know how you’re doing, and we’ll be keeping you in prayer. -R

By: KC

KC — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 00:32:03 +0000

I found out a month ago that my husband has been acting out on his homosexual urges. I am devestated and feel very hopeless for my future- I don’t want to be married to a homosexual, but I don’t want to divorce either. I am a strong believer and have prayed for hours about this, but right now, I don’t feel God at all. I am having severe anxiety. When will this get better? Where is God?

By: Ginger

Ginger — Wed, 18 May 2011 00:21:03 +0000

My husband cheated 15 years ago and wanted to stay married. I caught him looking at gay pornography several times and he always went to counseling. The other day I got into his facebook account and found a message back and forth between him and another man and they were making plans to meet. I told him it was time for him to leave. He has been verbally abusive for a while now and getting angrier and angrier. He admitted to having had several affairs and has since moved out. We have talked more since this happened than we have in 15 years. I am home with the kids now and feeling lost. I am praying for him. I have asked people that I know are prayer warriors to do the same. I don’t know that I want to remain married to him as he has lied to me our whole marriage. I don’t know that he wants to remain married to me although he told me he didn’t want our relationship to be over. I think he’s tired of fighting and doesn’t know what else to do. I feel alone, rejected and betrayed. Any words of encouragement now would be greatly appreciated.

By: Renee

Renee — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 19:41:35 +0000

Kim, the best low-cost options may be getting help from where your husband is going - if he is going to a Christian counselor or therapist, then I would suggest having monthly couples sessions with the existing therapist. There is also your church--they may provide pastoral counseling, and also various Celebrate Recovery groups that are held at churches around the country. There is probably one in your area. I would also suggest getting in touch with Exodus International which may have a ministry in your area. While you're on their webiste, you can go to Exodus Books, where you can find many books on the subject. If you have any other questions, please let me know. WifeBoat only supports groups are a low cost alternative - the 12 weeks group fee is $200, which averages out to less than a Weight Watchers meeting. So please keep in touch with the webiste for information on the start of the next available groups. God bless as you seek out what He has for you. -R

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:36:34 +0000

I could not read all of these posts. My husband confessed he had been acting on homosexual urges – and was caught at work. He’s getting help, I need help. Please point me in some no-cost options, as we don’t have the money for what I’ve seen so far. Amazed that there are so many woman battling this, just amazed.

By: Renee

Renee — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:07:19 +0000

Esther, I can feel the sadness in your writing, and I am so sad for what you're going through. This all seems very recent, and you are probably just trying to get some sort of sense of your bearings. Eventually, you will have to begin the process (with your husband, I hope!) of deciding how this should be dealt with now that it's come to light. It sounds like your husband has been dealing with this for a long time on his own, (regardless of weather or not he's acted upon any feelings or attractions), but for you, now that you know, it's impossible not to look back over your life together and wonder about many things. And that's where you will need to get some support. That is easier said than done, given your husband's position, and the sensitive nature of your situation... there are ministries that offer experienced. confidential Christan counsel in this area and I hope that you will be able to make contact with someone soon. And I hope that your husband would be willing to get help with you--so that your lives can be lived in the light. There's nothing more unhealthy and debilitating than keeping and sharing a mutual secret like this. If you haven't read anything on this subject, please look up the books by my husband and other authors on the Exodus Books website. That will give you a good place to start, and I beleive the Lord will use that to help give you direction. I would recommend you read Desires in Conflict, When Homosexuality Hits Home and The Gay Gospel, and perhaps look into an upcoming Love Won Out conference that may be coming to your area. You can also check back on this site for upcoming announcements about WifeBoat Groups and Individual Support. I hope that the ladies here will also offer thier thoughts as well. We all certainly will be praying for you -- you are loved! -R