Comments on: He says he’s sorry. You still don’t trust him. Now what?

By: Olivia

Olivia — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:58:29 +0000

JoDee,
I feel so bad for you. I can see you’re really sad and hurting – 5 months into this, it’s still really a fresh wound. I suppose if you’re husband asked if you could be friends, that’s his way of saying he wants to try, but he’s not sure what he can promise you. Perhaps you can tell him that if you say yes, your friendship has to be based on the truth from here on out, no more secrets, and you guys will agree to both be respectful and considerate. So, if there’s no sex for now, so be it. But at least it will be tolerable for you. And who knows, it might take some of the pressure off and help you communicate better. I’ll be praying for you, JoDee.

By: JoDee

JoDee — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 22:51:59 +0000

It has been 5 months now since I found his male porn.It is still very painfull but I have lived threw the shock.At this time I am just going threw the motions of living when I am with him. I will not let him touch me since he told me he has had to look at male porn before he can make love to me. I really feel used and I feel like a fool for not seeing it. I am reading threw Psalms and I find comfort there. I am working on accepting that he will always think about men and have to fight the thoughts off.
He asked me if we could be friends. I do not know if I want a friend who can hurt me again with his secrets. I am praying for wisdom and strength. JoDee

By: Sue

Sue — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 11:26:39 +0000

JoDee, Thank you for your honesty. I will be praying for you through this difficult time in your life and marriage. Sue

By: JoDee

JoDee — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 17:51:15 +0000

We saw our couples counselor on Tue. He suggested a “date” and to talk only what we are dong right at that time. Yesterday we went on a small road trip just the two of us. We went to a museum and ate in a train dinner car made into a resteruant. We has a nice time. There was no crying and we just talked about small stuff. I slept therw the night peacefully for the first time in months. We even held hands some.

For other women going threw your husbands secret SSA just know you are not alone
JoDee

By: Renee

Renee — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:14:04 +0000

JoDee,
I’m so glad to hear you’re seeing a counselor and things a feeling a little better. But I think you’re right about getting support for yourself, apart from that for exactly the reason you mentioned. Some things are better dealt with in a separate place.

I’ll be looking forward to getting your registration for the group and getting to know you better during our 12 weeks. Just click on the banner ad on the right hand corner of this site and it will take you to the registration page. If you have any questions about it, please let me know. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers, JoDee. Talk with you soon. -R

By: JoDee

JoDee — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:11:52 +0000

Hi Renee, Thank you for your response. I have decided to sign up for the Online Support Group.I know I need some support and I want christian guidence. We are starting to see a couples counselor who attends a church and claimes he is a Christian. His advive for us to start is to start talking about our happy memories about out two children. I am crying less and I am reminding myself that God loves my husband. He is a good man and was a good dad and grandfather. His SSA is not all he is. I know I need some help alone becasue there are things I can not tell my husband. JoDee

By: Renee

Renee — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:04:30 +0000

Jonathan, I am so glad to hear from you, so don't feel like you're horning in on our conversation! It is difficult to talk to your wife about your unwanted sexual attractions, and I think it probably is more appropriate to talk to a counselor or get into a support group anyway for this. Your wife should never be your accountability partner, and it seems like you have a sense that this is true. I would recommend a couple things for you to start with in getting help. First, I'd recommend getting some books that can educate you - that won't be expensive and will help you immensely. My husband's book Desires In Conflict would be a really good one to start with, and then maybe The Game Plan. Just click on the links to find out how to get them. Secondly, I'd recommend Exodus International to find out where there is a ministry near you. They are the biggest referral agency for this type of ministry and I think you'll find alot of information there and most likely a support group that will be accessible. As you get the support you need and start into your recovery process, you will have to start having some conversations with your wife about how it's going and how she is doing with this. I would recommend her getting some support too, as this is not just a one-sided thing when you're married. I have a support group for wives starting August 25. The WifeBoat 12-Week Online Support Group. Just click the link for more information. If she wants to, she can also email me privately through the contact form on this website. Hope all this helps, Jonathan. Please stay in touch and let us know how you're doing. God Bless and keep you by His power and give you everything you need. -R

By: Renee

Renee — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 01:46:17 +0000

JoDee, I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through. As you said, it must be a horrible shock to learn about this after a 43 year marriage. And the questions you ask are valid. The problem is that, as with all traumatic events in our lives, it will take a while to work through all the emotions, and make decisions. So you will need to have support in order to sort things out and determine what steps you'll need to take. In my experience, that is what people do who best able to work through something like this and arrive at some sort of stability. Please check out my online support group, which will be starting late August, and I would also recommend reading my husband's book When Homosexuality Hits Home which you can get at www.joedallas.com. Please also seek support as soon as possible, though, through your pastor or a trusted Christian counselor. If you are unable to find one in your area, please check my husband's website for information on phone counseling. Now is the time to take care of yourself, JoDee. Please stay in touch and let us know how you're doing. I hope to hear back from you. -R

By: JoDee

JoDee — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 21:03:18 +0000

After 43 years and then finding that my husband has SSA I am still in Shock. I have had a world wind of emotions from hate to love. I want to stay but I am not sure we can ever get back to loving him. Has anyone else lived threw this? What do you tell your family? Or do we keep this a secret and try towork it out.

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:32:34 +0000

I am sorry to horn in. But I need some help. I am a married man (30 years) and I have had ssa my entire life, I am 48 years old. My wife knows but I can’t talk to her about it, shame, emberassment, whatever. I have agreed to get help. But my question is this; where do I find someone that I can talk to? Our income is not great and I can’t afford to pay someone. Is there a group or support system for people such as me? I need help, I feel as though I will go nuts. I am frustrated and ashamed. Any information will help. Thank You