Comments on: Talk. Support. Relief. http://www.wifeboat.com/2010/05/talk-support-relief/ Safety.Community.Direction Mon, 09 Jan 2012 00:22:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.4 By: Olivia http://www.wifeboat.com/2010/05/talk-support-relief/comment-page-1/#comment-4878 Olivia Fri, 09 Jul 2010 16:50:34 +0000 http://www.wifeboat.com/?p=1071#comment-4878 Shana, You may love him, but did you think he was ready to be a husband? Did he say he was done with those past relationships? Or did he leave a loophole? I think sometimes these guys rationalize that maybe it's not "technically" adultery if they're attracted to the same sex when they're married to a woman. I mean, if your husband had dated lots of women before you got married, would you accept him staying in contact with previous girlfriends afterwards? No. So what's the difference here? You say you're his best friend, but you need to be treated like his wife! And a wife should insist on faithfulness (and no prior girlfriends, or boyfriends for that matter). I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm venting, cuz I probably am. But, this sounds a little scary to me. What about your sex life and STDs? Has he 'acted out" with anyone? Is he in a Christian support group for SSA and does he have an accountability partner? Is he going to counseling? You need to know if he's willing to do these things before you go much farther because you may be putting yourself at risk. God is bigger than his addiction, but God also wants us to be grown ups and take responsibility for our behavior. And us wives need to take responsibility for the way others treat us (respect us) and behave towards us. You might need to set some boundaries with him and get some support for yourself --otherwise being in it for "long haul" won't pay off for you, girl! I hope the best for you and that you can work this out with him. These are just the questions that I thought of. Shana,
You may love him, but did you think he was ready to be a husband? Did he say he was done with those past relationships? Or did he leave a loophole? I think sometimes these guys rationalize that maybe it’s not “technically” adultery if they’re attracted to the same sex when they’re married to a woman. I mean, if your husband had dated lots of women before you got married, would you accept him staying in contact with previous girlfriends afterwards? No. So what’s the difference here? You say you’re his best friend, but you need to be treated like his wife! And a wife should insist on faithfulness (and no prior girlfriends, or boyfriends for that matter).

I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m venting, cuz I probably am. But, this sounds a little scary to me. What about your sex life and STDs? Has he ‘acted out” with anyone? Is he in a Christian support group for SSA and does he have an accountability partner? Is he going to counseling? You need to know if he’s willing to do these things before you go much farther because you may be putting yourself at risk. God is bigger than his addiction, but God also wants us to be grown ups and take responsibility for our behavior. And us wives need to take responsibility for the way others treat us (respect us) and behave towards us. You might need to set some boundaries with him and get some support for yourself –otherwise being in it for “long haul” won’t pay off for you, girl!

I hope the best for you and that you can work this out with him. These are just the questions that I thought of.

]]> By: Shana http://www.wifeboat.com/2010/05/talk-support-relief/comment-page-1/#comment-4831 Shana Fri, 02 Jul 2010 21:54:40 +0000 http://www.wifeboat.com/?p=1071#comment-4831 I just within the last three months married by best friend who was gay for the past 10 years. It started after Bible college. We dated 7 years ago and he left me for a man then. I love him deeply. He wants to put this behind him although it is affecting almost every part of our marriage. He continues to remain in contact with all the men he dated. Weekends are the hardest because he tends to start thinking in the homosexual lifestyle ways. Last weekend he went out with a friend he met 10 years ago and in the middle of it realized that's not him anymore and he came home. I really need support and believe this may be a long haul. I do know God is bigger than this adddiction he has. I would love to hear from you your advice and well-needed prayers. Thank you. I just within the last three months married by best friend who was gay for the past 10 years. It started after Bible college. We dated 7 years ago and he left me for a man then. I love him deeply. He wants to put this behind him although it is affecting almost every part of our marriage. He continues to remain in contact with all the men he dated.

Weekends are the hardest because he tends to start thinking in the homosexual lifestyle ways. Last weekend he went out with a friend he met 10 years ago and in the middle of it realized that’s not him anymore and he came home. I really need support and believe this may be a long haul. I do know God is bigger than this adddiction he has. I would love to hear from you your advice and well-needed prayers. Thank you.

]]> By: Renee http://www.wifeboat.com/2010/05/talk-support-relief/comment-page-1/#comment-4509 Renee Fri, 14 May 2010 14:42:11 +0000 http://www.wifeboat.com/?p=1071#comment-4509 Cheryl, I'm glad you've found this website now, and I hope reading the comments of other women will help you in sorting out some of the things that you're going through. You just asked a huge question that can't be simply answered in one post. Alot depends on why your husband came back, what his attitude towards your marriage is, if he has made a committment to address the issues that made him leave, if he has truly left the other relationship, and that's just for starters. One thing I would strongly suggest if you haven't already done so: please ask your husband to get tested for STD's and please be tested yourself. He has been involved with someone outside your marriage and you are at risk. Please do this as soon as possible, and take steps to protect yourself. As far as other issues that involve trusting again, I would suggest contacting your pastor, or a Christian therapist to help you sort things out. WifeBoat has a support group starting up next week, and continues to have groups during the year,which may be beneficial to you. Resources I can recommend would be <a href="http://www.joedallas.com/results.cfm" rel="nofollow">When Homosexuality Hits Home</a>, <a href="http://www.joedallas.com/results.cfm" rel="nofollow">Desires In Conflict </a>and Gayle Haggard's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Why-Stayed-Choices-Made-Darkest/dp/1414335857" rel="nofollow">Why I Stayed.</a> Please also check an earlier post and commets <a href="http://www.wifeboat.com/2008/12/you-still-dont-trust-him-now-what/" rel="nofollow">He Says He's Sorry. You Still Don't Trust Him</a> and my husband's counseling site at <a href="http://www.joedallas.com" rel="nofollow">JoeDallas.com</a>. Cheryl, I hope that help give some direction to your question. Please stay in touch and let us know how you're doing. -R Cheryl,
I’m glad you’ve found this website now, and I hope reading the comments of other women will help you in sorting out some of the things that you’re going through.

You just asked a huge question that can’t be simply answered in one post. Alot depends on why your husband came back, what his attitude towards your marriage is, if he has made a committment to address the issues that made him leave, if he has truly left the other relationship, and that’s just for starters.

One thing I would strongly suggest if you haven’t already done so: please ask your husband to get tested for STD’s and please be tested yourself. He has been involved with someone outside your marriage and you are at risk. Please do this as soon as possible, and take steps to protect yourself.

As far as other issues that involve trusting again, I would suggest contacting your pastor, or a Christian therapist to help you sort things out. WifeBoat has a support group starting up next week, and continues to have groups during the year,which may be beneficial to you. Resources I can recommend would be When Homosexuality Hits Home, Desires In Conflict and Gayle Haggard’s book, Why I Stayed. Please also check an earlier post and commets He Says He’s Sorry. You Still Don’t Trust Him and my husband’s counseling site at JoeDallas.com.

Cheryl, I hope that help give some direction to your question. Please stay in touch and let us know how you’re doing. -R

]]> By: Cheryl http://www.wifeboat.com/2010/05/talk-support-relief/comment-page-1/#comment-4507 Cheryl Fri, 14 May 2010 13:01:01 +0000 http://www.wifeboat.com/?p=1071#comment-4507 I wish I found your website earlier. Husband left me for his partner and now he is back. Where do I go from here. How do I trust again? I wish I found your website earlier. Husband left me for his partner and now he is back. Where do I go from here. How do I trust again?

]]>