Well, today I learned about another way of adding to our children’s vocabulary. Sexual vocabulary, that is. Parents in Helena, Montana are expressing outrage over a new curriculum that proposes that children as young as age five be taught about human sexuality—a proposal which opponents say pushes the boundaries and conflicts with parental prerogative and values.

According to the Fox News report, the curriculum will include such “age-appropriate” information such as diagrams of the male/female sexual anatomy in Kindergarten, teaching first-graders about same sex relationships, and by the age of 10, informing children about “sexual positions” and how to make the right “health decisions” in relation to them.

The parents are rightly concerned. Besides the real worry of early exposure of their children to sexually explicit material, they also know best about when and in what context their child should be taught about sexuality. Understanding sexuality in a healthy way has to do with the relationships that inform it and the emotions and responsibilities that go along with it, not just biological functions and purposely obscure moral judgments. The parental relationship is the primary informing relationship and it should stay that way.

The school district’s proposal demands that parents subject their child to them as the primary informing relationship, allowing them to assume the role of Nanny State. They imply that they know best and they are only taking into consideration those children whose parents are uninvolved. Oh, it’s easy to be cynical of the Nanny State’s agenda when they assume they get it better than the majority of parents.

And here’s a good indication that the Nanny State has an agenda: they seem to presume that at the age of 10 a child will be a relationship where they’ll need to know about sexual positions! I hope not!

All this makes me question the wisdom of acclimating our children to such mature levels of sex-ed at young ages. On this blog, we’ve seen the consequences of sexual addiction and pornography wreaking havoc on our society and families, and how our cultural is continuing to mainstream porn and promote it as an essential to our collective vocabulary.

Is it any wonder they think our kids ought to know their AB Sleaze? What do you think?

Today Joe will be sitting in for Rich Buhler’s ”Talk from the Heart”  show and will be  interviewing three different guests on the impact of pornography on marriages. One of them will be Rick Schatz of the Nat’l Coaliton for the Protection of Families and Children.  The other two will be husbands who dealt with their porn problem, one of whom lost his marriage and the other being a man who rebuilt with his wife.

Please pray the show will help heal marriages.

Listen live online today, June 28th at  3:00 – 5:00pm PST by going to http://www.kbrt740.com/ or at 740AM on your dial if you’re in Southern California.

Last night while the West Coast was at ease, I began to reflect on the events of the day.  Our WifeBoat Group meeting had ended, all those courageous ladies sharing, baring and holding their hearts open to the Lord and to each other. I was so grateful for            God’s presence and work.  I sat straight up in bed and wrote this:

          Today, I was your partner.

I set out to prepare for the work You had for me
     and my heart became so full–
ideas, thoughts, compassion, pleadings–
     all mingled with joy and anticipation.

The desire to communicate with You became overwhelming,
     the ability to do so with my mind, inadequate. 
So the Spirit moved in me and I rasied my hands to You,
     certain of Your Presence, like a Ten Foot Man 
     in front of me peering down.

And I began to speak to You in words
     my ears did not recognize, but my soul understood.
There You walked with me into the tasks at hand,
     and You completed them.

How are You so Wonderful to make this possible?
     For You to be in me and me in You?
For this partaking, partnership and sharing
    is all Your generosity to me!

You are too wonderful for words.

Join me for our next WifeBoat Online Support Group
May 18th-August 10th  

Hear more about WifeBoat on Renee’s interview on Midday Connection with Anita Lustrea and Melinda Schmidt on Moody Radio

I’ve had many women ask me how they could possibly cope after finding out the devastating news that their husband had been using pornography, having an affair or feeling homosexual attractions.  These grieving wives have often felt there was no place to turn to talk safely and openly about what they were dealing with.  Family, friends, and career concerns have been some of the reasons why.

That’s why I started the WifeBoat Online Support groups.  In the confidential setting of the groups, women from all over the country have felt the relief of being able to talk with others in the same situation and have received support, encouragement and insight.

Our 12-week program uses Biblically-based curriculum, including journaling questions designed to help each wife sort out her thoughts on grieving, boundaries, healthy re-bonding, forgiveness and trust. And as they do this, the group benefits from each other.  Even though our groups have been made up of women from different states, different ages and different specifics, we have all felt the unifying effect of God’s presence during our meetings.

So if you need a place to work through the pain of a marriage in crisis, I invite you to join our newest group, which begins May 18^th.  To register, please follow the links to the left.  Or, don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions you may have.

Remember, you don’t have to go it alone.  WifeBoat has a place onboard for you.

God Bless,
Renee Dallas, Founder, WifeBoat.com

I just want to let you know how very much I appreciated the group and your leadership.  I will be praying for your new support  group.  God has used and is using you in a mighty way and I will be eternally grateful. – Group Participant

I came across this interview on ESPN’s SportsCenter with writer Benoit Denizet-Lewis regarding Tiger Wood’s rehab stay–what it’s like in rehab for sexual addiction?   A brief disclaimer: this interview speculates that Tiger Woods is in a particular clinic, and this should not be considered an endorsement of any kind. And I do want us to respect Tiger’s privacy.  

For those of you who may unfamiliar with the process, I did think it was informative and sheds light on the process of “getting real” with it that an addict with a life dominating behavior goes through. Denizet-Lewis is himself a recovering sex addict.

If you’re a Christian struggling with sexual addiction, pornography or any besetting sexual sin, getting help from someone with the same values and worldview is critical. For information on counseling resources, check my husband’s site.

But for now, please tell me what you think about this interview.  Do you agree with some of the opinions expressed?  Why or why not?

Three years ago, Gayle Haggard learned of her husband Ted’s secret liaisons and drug use.  This week she explained why she stayed with him during an appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show. Her book, Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour was released this week.

Gayle received a warmer welcome from Oprah than she did the last time she and Ted appeared in January of 2009.  At that time, the documentary  The Trials of Ted Haggard was debuting on HBO, and with the scandal still fresh, Oprah approached the interview with visible cynicism.  But to her credit, Oprah this time admitted to an epiphany on the way to the interview – she decided that she would not judge, but seek to understand.

Women of Faith, Not Doormats
She did, though, qualify her epiphany a little by saying she thought she and Mrs. Haggard came from different cultures, adding:

 “I’m a woman who has always taken care of myself.  I’ve been independent, I’ve  always made my own decisions…so it is unimaginable to me to be in a situation  where someone would betray me and I would stay. Yet in reading that you did, I  can understand where you were coming from, and that is how you did it”.

The inference, to my thinking, was that because she herself was independent and strong, evangelical women in general, and Gayle in particular, were not.  Thank you, Gayle for setting her straight with the response you gave Oprah:

 “I’m glad that you don’t want to judge me, because I would say I am an  independent woman, I’m a strong woman, and I take care of myself, and these  were my choices. Because I feel as though the betrayal had the potential to lead us  to greater health in our marriage.”

Bravo, Gayle. We’re women of faith, not doormats, and when a woman of faith makes a rational decision to preserve her home, I’d say that shows independence, decisiveness, and a willingness to take care of herself as well as her family. What’s weak about that?

Opportunity to Talk About The Issue
Gayle’s book gives us an opportunity to talk about a huge problem in the church.  Just like her, there are many Christian women married to men who’ve been leading secret lives. They go through the same type of shock, humiliation and pain that Gayle did.  So her book can do a service to the church by putting a face on these women and hopefully, making it safer to get help and support in their time of need. -R

For more, please see the  Charisma news article  I (and others) was interviewed for, along with and my interview on the Exodus blog.

You just found out your husband’s having an affair. What now?”

1. Make sure he knows that you know, and that you’re requiring him to take immediate action to terminate the relationship with the other party, and to work with you on repairing the damage that’s been done to your marriage. Don’t accept a simple, “Sorry, it won’t happen again.” Instead, let him know the situation warrants action in addition to apology.

2. Immediately set an appointment with your pastor, or a Christian counselor, or a trusted mentor. As a couple, sit down with this third party and clarify what steps need to be taken to begin restoration. These steps should include:

(a) Ongoing couple’s counseling to address the damage that’s been done and any long term problems that may have existed in your marriage .

(b) Accountability through a group or an individual for your husband to insure he’s taking steps to prevent a repeat of this behavior .

(c)  A safe place – woman’s support group, for example, or your counselor – for you to work out your own feelings, fears and needs while you’re recovering from this blow.

3. Resist the urge to shame, accuse, or demean him for his actions. His failure may have given you the “upper hand” in your marriage (since he’s the bad guy now) but you’ll suffer for it in the end if you use your pain as an occasion to emotionally beat him up. Be honest about your anger and hurt, by all means, but avoid name calling, humiliating, or denigrating him to other people or your children. In the end, you’ll deeply regret that sort of behavior, and you’ll find it only increases the damage that’s already been done.

4. If your husband has been sexually active outside your marriage, then consult with your doctor and discuss the various tests you should have for sexually transmitted diseases or HIV. While there’s no reason to panic or jump to conclusions, it would be foolish not to insure your own health and deal with whatever medical problems may arise from your situation.

5. Expect to grieve the loss of your marriage’s innocence, and the loss of confidence in your man. Sometimes you’ll rage; sometimes you’ll weep; sometimes you’ll feel downright comatose! Don’t try to rush the grieving process, and make no apologies, to yourself or anyone, for your pain. You’ve sustained a deep and indescribable injury, so take care of your wounds and give them time to heal up.
 
Key Verses
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
-Romans 8: 28

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.”
-Ephesians 4: 32

Resources
 The Game Plan: The Men’s Thirty Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity
by Joe Dallas

Genesis Counseling Two-Day Couples Intensives
with Joe and Renee Dallas

WifeBoat Support Groups

She-Mergency is a trademark of Renee Dallas.  All Rights Reserved.

I am very excited to announce a new series of  WifeBoat Online Support Groups starting this month on January 19th and 21st.  The groups are designed in response to many women who are struggling in marriages impacted by their husband’s sexual sin and who feel the need for ongoing support.

This series will include an extension group for those women who have completed the first 12 week group and it will run Thursday evenings 5:00-7:00pm PST.

 “Last year’s groups proved to be a real place of healing for women who, by and large, have had no place to go and talk about the things that have happened” says Renee Dallas, founder of the WifeBoat ministry.  ”I am so excited to be starting up again this January.”

For those who are new to the WifeBoat ministry, their 12-week group will run on Tuesday evenings from 4:00pm-6:00pm PST.  For more more information on registration see WifeBoat Support Groups

So let me tell you a little about the format and what we’ve got planned:

The first session will give us a chance to share our stories and talk about the goals of the group.  Each of the following meetings will start with a short teaching on an aspect of recovery that is relevant to you. I’ve also got a special guest facilitator planned for one of our sessions.

After the teaching, each person will have a chance to share their thoughts, struggles and victories in a mutually agreed upon safe and confidential environment. The extension group will be a goals-centered group and each participant will have the opportunity to state which goals they specifically want the group to help them with.

Each group meeting is 2 hours and meets on either Tuesdays, from 4:00 to 6:00pm PST or Thursdays, from 5:00 to 7:00PST.

The twelve weeks will provide an opportunity for wives to journey together towards better understanding and insight into their situations, receive the comfort of others who know what they’re going through, and to be better equipped and strengthened for their own unique challenges.

If you would like register, please check the banner ad on this website for more information. I’m looking forward to our groups and hope to talk with you soon. -R