1. I will let his recovery be his, not mine.
If he wants to change, he’ll do what’s necessary to change. If he’s not willing, I cannot soften his heart. Either way, his recovery must be his own, and I will not attempt to create it, control it or oversee it.
2. I will build more of a life apart from him.
Loving him will not exclude me from friendships, passions and God’s calling on my life. To love him as a partner is to be his wife, but to allow his behavior to dictate my well-being is to become his slave. I will find ways to add joy and peace to my life.
3. I will stop apologizing for the boundaries I set.
When I refuse to accept or tolerate behavior that is blatantly sinful, disrespectful or hurtful, I do no wrong. The greater wrong lies in my allowing these actions to destroy me and my family, so I will make no apologies for saying “Enough!”
4. I will not let his sin distract me from my own.
Although my husband has sinned against me, I know I am far from perfect. God requires me to humbly examine myself and answer for my own life. In doing this, I must take necessary steps to correct my own attitudes and behaviors.
5. I will be angry and sin not. (Right. At least, I’ll try to sin a little less!)
No matter how gravely he’s sinned against me, I am given no excuses or permission to sin against him in return. If I am unkind, harsh, sarcastic or hurtful, I am wrong, and will admit it.
6. I will neither minimize nor maximize his sin.
There’s nothing OK about sexual sin in any form, nor does sexual sin completely define the person who commits it. His sin has devastated me, but I will remember that his sin is not all that defines him.
7. I will take my pain seriously enough to get help for it.
I will give serious thought to what my soul requires for healing, and will follow through with action. Just as I would see a doctor for ongoing physical pain, I will do whatever is necessary to ease my broken heart and put myself on the path to healing.
8. I will rediscover the joy of long walks, hot baths, chats with friends, and chickflicks.
My life did not stop the day I discovered my husband’s sin. There’s still a world of awesome, God given pleasures and joys to experience, and I will consider it vital, not optional, to partake of them. I will try something new and I will gain perspective.
9. I will despise the very thought of being a victim.
I will grieve without resorting to self-pity; I will weep without surrendering to helplessness; I will protest the wrong that’s been done me without ever calling myself his (or anyone’s) “victim.” I will be courageous.
10. I will invest regularly and intensely in my intimacy with my Lord.
I will take seriously the First Commandment to love the Lord my God with all my heart, always remembering that I was created first and foremost for His pleasure. Apart from Him I can do nothing and in His presence is fullness of joy! I resolve that in 2009 I will seek, know and express that joy like never before. I will grow in faith and the knowledge of God through His Word, true fellowship and worship.
(c) 2009 Renee Dallas. All Rights Reserved.