One of the things that I find comes up in coversations with wives over and over again is the issue of a husband’s ambivalence towards his recovery. On the one hand they seem to say, “Yes, I’m sorry for what I’ve done, and I don’t like the consequences of it.” and on the other side, their actions (or lack thereof) seem to say, “But I don’t want to give it up–it feels too good, it’s become too important to me”. The wife finds herself in an excruciating state of frustration. While he seems to be giving lip-service to what he knows to be right, acting upon what he knows to be right is another story.
I’m reminded of what Jesus said in Revelation 3:16 when He talked about the distaste He felt for those who said they were Christ-followers, but seemed to only to engage Him in a lukewarm way. The danger of being lukewarm is that you can be lulled into thinking you’re in a safe place, when you’re actually in “danger from mixed motives and disregarded principles…having religion enough the lull the consicence but not religion enough to save the soul.”(Jamieson, Faucett and Brown).
Where a wife needs to see “the rubber meeting the road” in her husband’s intiative, she sees ambivalence. And that can be hard to deal with, because it leaves her marriage in a sort of limbo. How long does she wait patiently as he “processes” without some tangible signs of growth?
Joe and I were talking about this the other day, and he wrote a post that I think will help wives understand how a man’s spiritual walk has much to do with his recovery. Please take a look at it, and let me know your thoughts. Can you relate?
You can read it here: He’s Just Not That Into Him